Day Job Perks
Posted by Ethan
Yes I have a day job. Yes you do too. Yes, you are probaby at it right now reading this. And YES day jobs suck.
Now that we have that out of the way. I work as a delivery guy for a company we will call “Dickshits Deliveries” to protect the innocent. MOst days my job involves getting orders from idiots, dealling with idots causing traffic and dropping things off for idiots. Yesterday was business as usual. A few deliveriesin, i had a drop off at an office complex in studio city. It didn’t have the suite number on it OF COURSE, so i had to go door to door checking the names. When i finally found it, i knockd ready to chew out another idiot.
BUT as soon as i saw the dude who answered i shut my mouth because i recognised him. Beause he was famous. He was successful. He was a man who could help me get a leg up. Problem was, i couldn’t remember his name. I stood there staring at him, riding my brain as hard as i could, trying to squeeze out anything, a first name a last name, even a movie he’d been in. Nothing. He smiled said thanks and went back inside. And, of course, as soon as he closed the door it all came rushing back to me. BILLY CONNOLY. Billy effin Connoly, Scottish actor/comedian, roles in Boondock Saints, The Last Samurai, The Imposters, the crappy new X-files movie, even Beverly Hills Ninja, for christ’s sake. All this useless info jumped to the front of my brain ready to be accessed and utilized 15 seconds too late.
SO. I sat there. I stayed in the parking lot to see if he would come out again. Maybe he would go on a snack run, go outside to take a call, smoke break, fire drill, fuck, something right? I just waited and i thought and thought. I started thinking about the script i’m workin on, “Prison Wife”. How easy it would be to change it to more of a comedy. Set it in scotland even like a small vishing village. Make it more of a “Full Monty” meets “Deliverance” kinda thing. I even had a whole pitch ready for him. It wasn’t until i started to write out a break-down/one-sheet for him about the project in pencil on the back of an old delivery reciept that i realised how ridiculous the whole situation was. I had been sitting in a random parking lot waiting for a b-list celebrity to come out of a crappy office building so i could give him a breakdown of a twisted pandering version of my shitty screenplay scrawled in pencil on the back of a crumpled pink delivery receipt. I crumpled up the paper and left. Goddamn day job.
I need to remember to have printed breakdowns with me all the time. You never know, right?
